You’re having a very busy day with many patients on the schedule. You’re documenting information regarding a patient you just interviewed. During your hectic day, a co-worker approaches you says, “I don’t think I will have time to finish these calls; could you call these patients?” This same co-worker has periodically asked you to complete tasks that they are responsible for in the workplace. Despite having a full plate of tasks, you agree to help your co-worker.
In the above workplace scenario, what just happened? You think you’re helping a co-worker, but this person is repeatedly asking you to do their work. What is happening is a violation of boundaries. Of course, filling in to help a co-worker is fine, but when it becomes habitual, then it’s an issue.
Editor’s Note: The following package deals with setting boundaries in the workplace, such as boundaries with colleagues, bosses and patients, and against noise and distractions. Boundary-setting is more important than ever, because modern medical settings are more stressful than perhaps ever before, with the exceptions of say, COVID, or times of war. We have limited control over the workplace, but the following articles focus on where improvements might be possible.
What is a Boundary?
A boundary is a limit defining you in relationship to someone or to something. Boundaries can be physical and tangible or emotional and intangible. For example, a physical boundary is a fence, which identifies spatial limitations. Physical boundaries are concrete and easily identifiable. However, emotional boundaries are much less clear, which can make them more challenging to establish and enforce.
A line in the sand is a clear physical boundary. When a person steps over that line, they have violated the boundary. This same analogy can be used in emotional boundaries as well. For example, if a co-worker makes an inappropriate comment, they have crossed a line.
Having effective boundaries will not distance you from others. The boundaries prevent conflict and bring people together because, generally speaking, everyone knows what acceptable behavior is. This article will help you establish boundaries while still maintaining excellent relationships with co-workers.
Causes of Boundary Violations
Emotional Baggage
Everyone enters the workplace with some baggage. When people walk into the workplace, they do not leave their baggage by the door. Baggage brought into the workplace can affect interactions with coworkers, potentially leading to significant issues with boundaries. Many factors come into play, including the style of communication each person experienced in their families. Some people come from family situations where nurturing relationships were seen and modeled. Unfortunately, other people come from situations where significant dysfunction was present, and those styles of behavior walk into the workplace. Some people don’t realize they are violating boundaries in their communication style because in their environment, such behavior was acceptable.
Presenteeism
This term means that employees are physically present, but due to physical or emotional issues, are distracted to the point of reduced productivity. While absenteeism means they are physically absent, presenteeism means they are physically present, but due to other issues they are unable to function effectively to complete work-related assignments.
Many of the causes of presenteeism are rooted in psychological issues. For that reason, the workplace needs to have tools to help struggling employees, including stress-management support and, when needed, employee assistance programs. The privacy and confidentiality of such programs must be fiercely guarded—from both other employees and management—or employees will not feel comfortable using them.
Presenteeism leads to weak interpersonal relationships. Combining emotional baggage and presenteeism can lead to workplace toxicity and exacerbate the ensuing boundary violations.
Types of Boundaries
Co-worker Boundaries
Everyone in the workplace has job responsibilities and duties. In the example above, an employee was violating a co-worker’s boundaries by continually asking them to do their work. However, boundaries may not be directly related to job responsibilities. For example, a co-worker who often uses crude language or tells inappropriate jokes is also violating boundaries. This employee is violating the boundaries of people who expect the workplace to be free of bawdy language and tasteless or insulting remarks.
Patient Boundaries
There are appropriate interactions with patients, and then there are behaviors that cross the line, such as talking to patients about personal issues. Of course, chatting with patients about pets or a new restaurant in town is acceptable, but talking to patients about an abusive boyfriend is not appropriate.
Setting Boundaries
The following will help with the mechanics of boundary setting.
Follow the ABC Rule
ABC = Always Be Courteous. A person can still be friendly while setting boundaries. For example, in my work as a keynote speaker and workshop leader, the person who introduces me sets boundaries regarding mobile phones, and they’re always pleasant about it.
They kindly advise the audiences to please put their phones on vibrate. There’s no need to yell at people about the volume of their phones.
Identify Your Limits
The first step in setting boundaries is determining your limits, which can be emotional, mental, physical or spiritual. You set limits by noticing what you can tolerate and accept, as well as what makes you feel uncomfortable and stressed. These feelings will help you clarify your limits. Your limits are personal and are likely to be different than the limits of other people.
In one of my many boundary-setting workshops, an attendee mentioned a co-worker who had a habit of eating her lunch in front of her computer. The problem is that she liked eating fish and some co-workers thought the smell of the food was bothersome. A co-worker politely mentioned to this person the fish issue. The fish-eating co-worker immediately apologized and mentioned having no idea of the food having a strong odor.
Overall, listen to your feelings; they will tell you if boundaries have been violated. There are certain feelings that often signal boundary violations, including feelings of discomfort, resentment or guilt. These feelings are symptoms of boundary violations.
Clarity
Workplace boundaries must be clearly outlined so people in the workplace know what behaviors are acceptable. Each team member understands what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. This creates an efficient workplace environment. Managers must define and enforce the boundaries.
Passive-Assertive-Aggressive Behavior
Passive Behavior
Passive people are submissive and sometimes have feelings of low self-esteem. They do not stand up for themselves and are often sometimes referred to as doormats, in that other people can step all over them. Since some passive people feel powerless, they may have weak or nonexistent boundaries. They focus on the needs of other people. Even if they’re really busy, if a co-worker asks them for help, they will relinquish their own responsibilities to do someone else’s work.
Aggressive Behavior
Aggressive people are sometimes arrogant and may have unrealistic feelings of self-importance. Some belittle others and attack those who don’t share their views. Some aggressive people are tyrannical and have poor boundaries, since all their attention is on themselves. They focus only on their needs. If a co-worker asks them for help, they may refuse and be unpleasant.
Assertive Behavior
Assertive people are confident and self-accepting. These people have clearly defined boundaries. They focus on meeting their needs and the needs of others in a harmonious fashion. If they’re very busy and a co-worker asks them for help, they will politely explain that they can’t help now but will give them options to help meet their needs, such as checking back later or suggesting another person who might be able to assist.
Assertive people are comfortable and confident with themselves and have well-defined boundaries. The ideal workplace scenario is to have as many assertive people as possible since these types of individuals create a friendly and productive workplace. See Table 1 for a summary of passive, assertive and aggressive behaviors.
Handling Boundary Violations
Language
I suggest using “I” language and avoiding “you” language. “You” language can sound threatening, while “I” language comes across as pleasant, yet firm. For example, let’s say you have been asked to do excessive work and you’re feeling overwhelmed. These are two possible responses:
- “You” version: “You’re giving me too much work. You have to stop this!”
- “I” version: “I’m feeling overwhelmed. Let’s talk about solutions to manage the workflow.”
The “I” language version focuses on the sender’s feelings and is not accusatory. The response also blends in a solution-oriented perspective.
I also suggest avoiding “why” language. For example, a co-worker has not been completing assigned tasks. You have been forced to cover for this person and you’re feeling frustrated. You have reached a point where you have to say something. These are two possible responses:
- “Why” version: “Why aren’t you getting your work done?”
- “What” version: “What’s going on that’s leading to your assignments not being done? I notice this has been happening more often. Let’s talk about the situation.”
The “what” version is more friendly. The response also blends in a solution-oriented perspective.
Get It in Writing
There should be clearly written guidelines for employee job-related tasks and guidelines for interpersonal behavior to avoid boundary violations. Having clearly written guidelines moves the conversation from subjective to objective.
Two-Way Street
If you want people to respect your boundaries, then you must respect their boundaries. Be conscious of what you are asking of others. Is it reasonable?
Balance
We want clearly defined boundaries, but we must also allow for some flexibility. Our boundaries may need to vary based on the situation.
Get People Back on Track
People sometimes get distracted and go on tangents and need help getting back to the task at hand. The details of your co-worker’s vacation may be fun, but excessive discussions can take away from job responsibilities, hence violating your boundaries of completing assignments. In this situation, it’s important to respond gracefully, such as by saying, “Your vacation sounded wonderful. I need to complete this documentation, but let’s chat at lunch and you could fill me in more.”
Boundaries with Patients
Healthcare professionals must use caution when talking to a patient about their personal lives. The patient’s role is not to be that of a counselor. Only share limited and general information about life outside the workplace. However, some information can be shared if there is a benefit to the patient, such as an encouraging statement. If you had the same medical issue and are doing well, that type of discussion is certainly acceptable.
The actions of patients trigger emotional reactions among professionals. These feelings include sadness, anger and protectiveness, among many other feelings. It is normal to feel such emotions, but caution must be used in how these feelings are expressed. Emotional reactions can interfere with boundaries, including becoming too attached to certain patients while ignoring others. Becoming aware of these emotional reactions is the first step to looking at how they affect working with patients.
Terms of Endearment. Using terms of endearment can initially appear to be a gentle and kind gesture but can create issues. Calling a patient “sweetie” or “honey” may appear to be comforting to that patient, but it may also suggest a more personal interest than intended. It might also suggest favoritism to other patients who are not called by those nicknames. Some patients may find such endearments offensive or patronizing.
It is a good practice to avoid using these terms, as doing so could blur the clarity of a professional’s role in the life of the patient.
Burnout. Caregivers must learn to care for themselves. Providing care to frail and vulnerable patients is deeply rewarding, and sometimes deeply draining. The kind of giving that leads to burnout tends to involve behaviors done outside of the boundaries of one’s job. Being aware of the boundaries of one’s role and striving to adhere to those boundaries helps protect the caregiver from the destructive impact of burnout.
Gifts and Favors. Giving gifts to a patient or receiving gifts from a patient can blur the line between a personal relationship and a professional one. Have written guidelines for employees to determine what is acceptable as a gift. The same rules apply to favors, such as staying after work hours to “do a favor” for a patient.
Secrets. Do not keep secrets with patients. Do not share personal secrets with a patient and ask them to keep it a secret. Do not agree to keep secrets patients tell you. Secrets are different from confidentiality. Confidential information is shared with a few other members of a team providing care to a patient. Personal secrets compromise role boundaries.
Putting It All Together
Boundary issues will always be a part of the workplace due to a variety of factors, such as the communication skills and personal histories people bring into the workplace. A healthcare environment is a therapeutic milieu. To keep the environment therapeutic, boundaries must be established and implemented.
Through the strategies discussed in this article, you can minimize boundary issues. When equipped with the right set of skills, you can set boundaries while simultaneously creating positive workplace relationships that will benefit both your co-workers and your patients.
Author
-
Edward is the founder and director of the Center for Healthcare Communication, a consulting firm helping healthcare professionals effectively communicate with patients and each other.
View all posts